I am a huge supporter of breastfeeding, in fact, it’s become a passion of mine and I am even going through training this week to become a certified breastfeeding counselor. I love seeing women nurse in public, and I feel so empowered when nursing Jane in the ergo.
But. If I don’t have the ergo with me, I’ve discovered that I’m a hypocrite. Twice in the last week I’ve had to breastfeed in public and I was so incredibly nervous and tried to distract Jane so that I wouldn’t have to. No dice. The first time was at a restaurant in Winter Park, where I did manage to nurse. The second time was at the DMV yesterday. I’ve always vehemently said that I would never feed my child in the bathroom. But I did. Standing up. Then she wanted more milk after we left the restroom, so I tried to be discreet. But when she lifted my shirt almost to my face, thereby exposing me to the world I told her no and stopped.
Even now, I’m so frustrated with myself. I’m frustrated that I didn’t bring my ergo because it allows me complete comfort nursing in public; I’m frustrated that I didn’t plan well. And I’m frustrated because I let myself and Jane down. I guess I’m not as brave as I thought I was.