Yesterday was tough. Actually, it’s been a tough few days. When I got home from work on Tuesday night Jane was running a fever. At first I thought she had picked something up on Easter, either from the church nursery or from one of her cousins, but the next morning I saw her sixth tooth finally poking through her gums! Well, I cancelled all of our plans, just in case, but she seemed totally find by about mid morning.
Then yesterday happened. Jane has been in a biting phase which I just attributed to teething, but I expected it to stop when that last tooth came through. It didn’t. Yesterday she proceeded to bite me every time I tried to nurse her, which led to yelling on my part and crying on hers, which led to her refusing to nurse all day. By the end of the day I had had it. I was frustrated with everything and everyone and heartbroken that Jane was refusing to nurse. And she was refusing to nap. I was so afraid that this was going to be the end of our nursing relationship and that I would either have to pump exclusively or wean her.
To top it all off, I had to go into work at 5:30 for what amounted to a fifteen minute check off. So not worth my time. But when I got home Andrew was getting Jane ready for bed and I decided to try to nurse one more time. Success! All of the stress from the day just melted away as I was finally able to feed her.
If there is one thing that I have learned since Jane was born it is this: parenting is hard. It is so much harder than I ever would have believed. I used to think that I was a strong person, but I am learning that I am truly fragile and in such desperate need of grace. Grace from my husband, my friends, my daughter, and the Lord, most especially. Thank God for grace.