Fail

Tuesday was a rough day that left me feeling like a failure on many fronts.  Jane was on a nap strike that was frustrating and exhausting for both of us.  I haven’t been frustrated with her like that in many months and I felt like I did not love her well.

I acutely felt my difficulty in communicating.  Effectively communicating has always been difficult for me; I’m not sure why, and I know that I have to practice in order to improve, but so often I just end up frustrated.

At the end of the day I opened up Facebook on my phone and was about to bemoan my exhausting and disappointing day when I read some wise words from a friend who was having a day similar to mine.  She chose a positive perspective and to look for the blessings in the midst of the mundane and difficult.  And she found them.  I was so thankful that I read her words before I posted mine and was reminded of one of the great things about parenting: God is refining me through this.  He is using my daughter to expose my ugliness and forcing me to deal with it.  He isn’t doing this to discourage me, He does this to grow me and transform me into His likeness.

In the end, it was still a frustrating day and I didn’t always react well, but God used it.  He used it to remind me of His grace and how many times He extends it to me, and how I must extend it to others.  I am so thankful for grace.

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