Healing

John 9:1-5

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth.  His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’

Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened that the work of God might be displayed in his life.  As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me.  Night is coming, when no one can work.  While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.’

This passage was so timely for me.  A special baby that I had been praying for died on Sunday, and as devastating as that is, I know that he is being lovingly cradled in the arms of his heavenly Father who has made him whole.  And I know also that there was a purpose for this sweet babe’s life—to point to Christ.

I praise the One who makes all things new, and who has conquered death and grave.  This world is not the end.  Hallellujah!

Never Grow Weary

There are some things that I never grow weary of doing.  There are some things that continually bring joy to my soul and tears to my eyes—some things that make getting up in the morning easy.

Some things, like putting a baby on his mother’s chest to kangaroo for the first time, when a mom gets to see her baby for the first time, or when a father is overcome with emotion when he sees/touches/holds his baby for the first time, are absolutely amazing.  But days like today, oh days like today make my heart soar.  Today I was honored to give a miracle baby to his father to hold for the first time.  My eyes are filled with tears now just thinking about that moment, and I have no words to express the joy on the face of the father and the calm that came over the baby.  I have no words to express my joy at being able to witness that moment, and can only continue in praying that this baby would continue his trend of manifesting God’s miracles.

Current Events

Tricia over at Fabulous Since 1961 posted this on her blog and I thought it was a fun prompt to talk about what I’m currently:

Obsessing over,
Working on,
Thinking about,
Anticipating,
Listening to,
Eating,
Praying for,
Wishing.

Obsessing over… chocolate… and trying not to be so obsessed with it, and also finding out why my cycles are so weird.

Working on… a quilt for Ella.  She’s due almost any day now and I need to figure out how I want this quilt to look!!

Thinking about… “I need to mail my check to the HOA.”

Anticipating… working some oVeRtiMe this week!

Listening to… the Dancing With the Stars finale on DVR.

Eating… chocolate chips and a Cliff bar, what a great dinner.

Praying for… all of my friends who are pregnant.  Healthy babies and healthy mommies, please!  And for Aiden.

Wishing that 5:25 am didn’t come so early.

Just because 🙂

Insecurity

Insecure: subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured; not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious.

I don’t like to think of myself as an insecure person; the word brings to mind someone who is weak and unskilled, needy, immature, conniving and mean.  The fact of the matter though, is that “insecure” is a word that can often be used to describe me (the dictionary definition… hopefully not with the behaviors I listed).  And I hate it.

I don’t know why I am this way; I grew up in a loving, secure home.  All of my needs were met, both physical and emotional, but somehow I still grew up into a person who is not secure at all in the person she is.  And my insecurities can be exploited in only a matter of seconds, with a single word or glance, my self confidence can be shattered.

I think that I’m more of a people pleaser than I would care to admit and I really don’t like confrontation.  Some of you may be thinking “What the heck?!  You’re afraid of confrontation?  But you’re so vocal about your opinions!”  And my answer to that is, yes, but I am only outspoken when I feel secure.

For instance, I was in a meeting today with my boss and nurses in all stages of their careers, and I was the one running the meeting.  When more seasoned nurses have something to say, I always feel like I need to defer to them because they are automatically the authority, even though I may have input that I know is of value and may or may not contradict what they have to say.  The same is true of yesterday when I allowed myself to be made to feel like an ant in the presence of a  giant regarding something work related by someone who has worked in the field longer than I’ve been alive.

Maybe I have authority issues.  But regardless, I have a lot of insecurities, and not just about work.  I am insecure about the way I run my home, the kind of wife I am, the kind of mother I will one day be, the kind of Christian I am, the way I dress, etc., etc.  Basically, I am insecure about life.  And I don’t like to admit it.  And I don’t know how to fix it.  I know that I should rest in the love of Christ, because I can always be assured of His love, but that doesn’t necessarily help me feel more secure about how clean (or not) my house is, or the knowledge and skills I have/need for work.  Insecurity sucks.

{2012}: Days 113-118

So, it’s been quite a while since I’ve blogged.  I guess I’ve been lacking in motivation and energy.  I feel like I have been living at work and the days that I’m there I am super busy.  The days off never seem like enough, and though I love my job, I’m never quite ready to go back.  I’m ready for another vacation.

On another note, Andrew did really well in school this semester!  I am so proud of my hard working husband and excited to see him graduate in December!

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