Stream of Consciousness

I’m feeling a little sad this weekend.  I would say that I’m not exactly sure why, but I do know exactly why.

One of my best friends moved away on Friday.  A very traumatic thing happened to her and she chose to move to be closer to family.  It was the right decision for her to make; I would do the same thing in her shoes, but I miss my friend and I grieve for what she lost as the result of some very difficult circumstances.

I’m sad for another reason, too.  One that I won’t share with the blogosphere, though it’s pretty generally known to my close friends.  It’s just something I find myself having to give to God moment by moment—though often unsuccessfully.

I’m trying to read a lot.  I finished one book yesterday and am already halfway through another.  Even before I start a new book I already have a list of about 5 more that I want to read.  It’s a good thing that I’m not in school.

A friend of mine recently told me not to go back to school yet, because once I have kids I’m not going to want to focus on school and career, but on being with my children and investing in their lives.  It’s good advice.  I think I’ll put grad school on the back burner, even if it does mean having to get a DNP one day instead of an MSN.

I’m feeling overwhelmed with the amount of money and supplies I need to raise/bring to Malawi.  On top of the $3,000+ to cover my trip, they also want us to start asking for donations to take with us.  Now would be a great time to be a super couponer.

I don’t want to get the typhoid vaccine.  When I told this to the group leader, he smiled slightly and I said, “I’m one of those.”  Here’s hoping that it won’t be a problem.

Our air conditioner broke on Friday.  I was immediately near tears (it didn’t help that I had just said good-bye to my friend) because I was afraid that we were going to have to replace the system.  Fortunately, we just had to pay for a repair—costly, though not what it could have been.  The A/C guy did inform us that most older units blow chlorine into the air.  Perfect.

I get to see Skye and Henley again tomorrow.  I love them.  It is such a breath of fresh air to see them and it always melts my heart when Skye remembers me and runs up to give me a big hug.  I miss taking care of Skye and Summer.  I love them so dearly and I can’t imagine loving a child any more than I loved them, but I know that will all change when I bring home my son or daughter someday.

This sounded really whiny.  Sorry about that.  Tomorrow should bring a peppier post.

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2 thoughts on “Stream of Consciousness

  1. Everyone is entitled to “whiny” days :). I probably would agree with the school thing too. I had thought about going back to school myself but came to the same realization. Anyway, we will be praying for you. Ivan and I (and moreso just me)… are dealing with some issues of our own right now that just tend to be frustrating us..and making me disheartened. Anyway, I hope you feel better soon.

  2. Praying for your heart to be encouraged in all of these things, Erin. I don’t think this sounded too whiny, just honest about some difficulties you’re facing. ((hugs))

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