I have a stomach ache and a sore throat.  I can’t see very well.  I miss my Summer Girl, and we just got a (big) bill in the mail for an MRI I had almost two years ago.

Going back to work tomorrow is going to be really difficult.

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How, Lord?

The thought occurred to me yesterday, the horrible, difficult, unimaginable thought occurred to me: I am supposed to forgive?!?!  How on earth could those Amish families go to the home of the one who killed their girls the next day to offer forgiveness?

I feel like it would be a betrayal.

Oh, Jesus, please help!

Heaven is the Face

Heaven is the face of a little girl
With dark brown eyes
That disappear when she smiles
Heaven is the place
Where she calls my name
Says, “Daddy please come play with me for awhile”

God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more
But God, You know, that this is what I’m aching for
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door
So right now

Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep
Lying on my chest, falling fast asleep while I sing
And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms
Being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams

And God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more
But God, You know, that this is what I’m longing for
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door

But in my mind’s eye I can see a place
Where Your glory fills every empty space
All the cancer is gone
Every mouth is fed
And there’s no one left in the orphans’ bed
Every lonely heart finds their one true love
And there’s no more goodbye
And no more not enough
And there’s no more enemy
No more

Heaven is a sweet, maple syrup kiss
And a thousand other little things I miss with her gone
Heaven is the place where she takes my hand
And leads me to You
And we both run into Your arms

Oh God, I know, it’s so much more than I can dream
It’s far beyond anything I can conceive
So God, You know, I’m trusting You until I see
Heaven in the face of my little girl
Heaven in the face of my little girl

By Steven Curtis Chapman

I’ve always cried, or at least come close to it, when I’ve heard this song on the radio, but it has taken on new meaning today.  How do you move on?  Especially when this was preventable!!!!!!!!!!

I know that I have no claim on her; she was not my child, and even if she was, she would still be the Lord’s first, but she was mine in some small way.  We worked so hard to get her home and then this happens?

My Sweet Baby

My sweet girl is gone.  Very suddenly.  It shouldn’t have happened, but she is gone.

My peace is knowing that she is now whole and resting safely and peacefully in the arms of her Maker.

I ache for her family who hurt so terribly.  I am stunned, angry, sad, numb.  This shouldn’t have happened.

Please pray for her family.

Ugh

My eyes decided to take a vacation again.  Yesterday I noticed that my vision wasn’t so great toward the end of the day, and now I can’t see my computer screen, read, or see anything in detail even when I have glasses/contacts on and squint.  I guess it’s back to glasses and artificial tears.

On a positive note… at least I know how to fix it.

Valentine’s Day

In honor of this day of love, here are some pictures of me and my love.  I am so blessed.