Ugh

Do you ever get super frustrated and annoyed at yourself?  I do.  It’s becoming pretty frequent.  There are certain things about myself and my personality that I just wish I could change.  But it’s really hard.  And I’m trying to give myself over to Christ, but, again, very difficult.  Ugh.

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One thought on “Ugh

  1. bear with me, i know this is long—got get in your new comfy chairs! :):)

    i have always struggled with being really hard on myself, too, erin. below is some advice i received a few days ago from marshall’s mother and it is priceless. i thought i would pay it forward 🙂 and also…i had an AHA moment the other day while i was doing my bible study…it’s not my job to “forgive” myself–God already has and does. i have to remind myself that my iniquities are forgotten the moment i repent and there’s no use in continually reminding myself of my sin and shortcomings because God has covered me with His grace. we are to have confidence that our sins that we confess and renounce are forgiven and forgotten!
    this is also from Kay Arthur in my study book:
    “Don’t you ever say, “But I can’t forgive myself!” You don’t need to forgive yourself. Nothing is biblical about that statement. It’s a hiss from the serpent of old, the Devil himself, to put your focus on yourself rather than God. We confess our sin, God forgives, and that is it! We need to believe God when He says our shortcomings are remembered no more by Him. We need to believe God and take Him at His word. This is how the righteous person lives. To NOT believe is a lack of faith, and that does not please God (Hebrews 11:6 “And without faith, it is impossible to please Him”) This really hits home for me because i’m ALWAYS beating myself up 😦
    and here is marshall’s mom’s advice she wrote me the other day…and bear with IT because it is ALSO long 🙂 🙂
    So don’t beat yourself up and be so hard on yourself. Just enjoy where you are in life and move forward. I totally understand the challenge that you have in trying to let go of the baggage that you want to resolve, but there is grace and peace in just letting go and accepting that it was the past. Live in the “now” and keep facing the sunshine each day.

    I wish there had been someone in my life back in the day who could have told me this, but no one shared as openly and honestly back then. It was still a time of keeping things in and not sharing honest feelings. But now that we all are living in a time of being free and honest with our feelings, I want to share this with you and hope that it frees you to “get it” a lot sooner than I did. If there is one truth in life that I have learned about trying to please other people, it is that in the end, you discover that no matter what you did, those people were never satisfied with what you did. There was still the judgement and disappointment. So why waste the time in doing something that will not really matter. In the end, you will have yourself to live with and that is who needs to be happy and satisfied. And I know that there are those who would consider this a very “self-centered” attitude, but it really isn’t. You can only bless others and love others and serve others when you are at peace within yourself. Otherwise, you are trying to give and love with less than a full well.

    It is only when we are at peace with ourselves that we are then at the place where we can contribute and invest good things into other people. And as a wife and someday as a mother, that is what you want to be able to do. This is a good thing!
    love you so 🙂

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